The Neonate's Guide to Knoxville

Listen up, neonate.

Yeah, I’m talking to you. Neonate. That’s what you are now. Comes from “Neo”, which means “new”, and “nate”, which means little punk who better do what he’s told. Until you get a few decades of your Requiem under your belt, that’s who you are. A neonate. The dregs of society. And you better not forget it, because your elders sure won’t.

Maybe I’m going too fast. You’re new to being a Kindred, aren’t you? Yeah, Kindred. That’s what we call ourselves. Vampires. The Damned. Bloodsuckers. Kindred make us sound like one nice, happy family. That’s what the Prince and his court want you to think we are. And you can keep on thinking that, right up until you find yourself with a stake in your heart.

Or you can read what I’ve got to say, and learn it, and you might live for a while. Well, not live. But survive.

Table of Contents

What are you?
Your Requiem
The Danse Macabre
Rules to Unlive By
Other Lessons

What are you?

I’d like to think your Sire taught you everything you need to know about us, but if that were true there wouldn’t be any need for this screed, would there? So let’s get down to brass tacks.

You’re a Vampire.

Not some sparkle-in-the-sun stalk-teenagers idiot, no. I mean a full on, fanged, bloodsucking, damned-to-hell creature of the night. And there’s no going back. You will never be human again. You will never be alive again. As far as medical science can tell, you’re a corpse.

What keeps us going? Magic, obviously. Yeah, apparently it exists, and you should be terrified of it.

But anyway, a few things about your condition.

  1. You need blood to survive. When you’re young and weak, like you are, you can live off the blood of animals, but it tastes horrible and it takes a lot of it. No, blood from mortals is the good stuff. We call them “kine”. Comes from an old word that means cattle. Thats what they are to us now. Once the blood is inside us we call it Vitae. That’s just a fancy word for blood that has been made magical. It takes a little Vitae to wake up each night. If you don’t have any available, you enter Torpor. The long sleep. And who knows how long it will be before you wake up.
  2. Fire and Sunlight will destroy you. That’s right, no more sunrises. Fire’s bad, and enough of it will burn you to ash, but that’s nothing compared to sunlight. Stay up to watch the sunrise and you’ll be toast in seconds. Most other stuff won’t destroy you, but if you get beat up bad enough you’ll enter Torpor. And again, once you enter the long sleep there’s no telling how long it will be before you wake up. Could be a week. Could be a hundred years.
  3. You are immortal. Or ever-dying. Or however you want to put it. Oh, you can be killed (or destroyed, since technically you’re already dead), but as long as your body is not completely mutilated, and you stay away from sunlight and fire, you’ll be here on judgment day.
  4. No one really knows how we got here. There’s a lot of theories about how Vampires came to be. The Lancea Sanctum (that’s Vampire Church, I’ll talk about them later) say the first vampire was Longinus, the centurion who pierced the side of Christ, but there’s legends of vamps running around before him. The crazies in the Ordo Dracul say Dracula had no sire, and became a Vampire spontaneously, but they say a lot of things.
  5. You were embraced. You, on the other hand, we can say for sure why you got here. Another vampire embraced you. No, that doesn’t mean hug you. See, we don’t turn mortals into Kindred every time we take a bite. That’d just be crazy. No, to make another vampire you have to drain a mortal of all their blood, and then feed them some of your own while you make a focused, conscious act of will. That will turn them. And that’s what happened to you. The vampire who did that to you is called your sire, and you are his or her childe. That’s not a typo, it’s pretentious spelling.
  6. You are damned. Well… sort of. That’s what the church says. Not everyone agrees. But you’re definitely not just a human who is dead. See, some vampires can see auras and other spiritual craziness, and they tell us that our auras aren’t like human auras. They’re pale. Something, our soul if you will, is missing. And that leads to…
  7. You have a beast. We call it the Beast. It’s that voice in your head, the one that tells you to drink more blood, drink more blood, kill, hunt, rend, tear, destroy… that voice? That’s not just you. That’s the Beast. Think of it as an anti-conscience on steroids. Technically the Beast is part of us, but it’s easier to think of it as a separate personality inside you, one that is trying to make you a mindless, vicious, evil monster. It drives you insane some times, if you get really angry, or really frightened, or really hungry. And I know right now some of you are thinking, “Oh yeah, a bloodlusting vicious monster, that’s just what I want to be!” Don’t. the Beast isn’t romantic. Vampires who have given themselves over to the beast aren’t cool, or dark, or edgy. They’re rabid dogs and they have to be put down for the good of the rest of us. Learn to control your beast.
  8. Most Requiems do not end well. You’ll hear vampires talk a lot about humanity. That always gives it a little too much credit in my opinion, but there is a certain something, a moral glue that binds us together. Right now, being a neonate and all, you probably get a bit squeamish at the thought of murder, especially of the innocents in the world. The problem is, your Beast isn’t squeamish. Your Beast likes it. Your Beast wants you to lose what little humanity you have left. So even if you were the kind of mortal who went around casually murdering people, you want to be careful of that now. Like I said, surrendering to the Beast is not cool, or edgy. It is madness. A lot of vampires will call you names if you try to act too human, but believe me, that’s better than the alternative. There’s even rumors of this thing called Golconda. They say that if you manage to achieve some kind of sainthood, you’ll become human again. Or maybe the perfect predator. Or maybe an alien thing. No one seems to really know for sure, but a lot of people know a guy who knew a guy who knew a guy who achieved Golconda. Most of us think it’s just a load, and the church even calls it heresy, but some Kindred believe in it.
  9. How many vampires are there? That’s a tough question. Worldwide there’s thousands, maybe even tens, or hundreds of thousands. In Knoxville? A few dozen, maybe. Most of them don’t socialize much. Or maybe most of them do, and there just aren’t that many of them. But the numbers seem to be rising, which can be a problem. There’s about a million people in the greater Knoxville area. That may seem like a lot, but when you’re talking about Vampires, that’s only enough to fit 20 of us comfortably. And I know Knoxville has more kindred than that.
  10. How can I tell other vampires? That’s really two questions. The first is, how can mortals tell vampires? That’s easy. Our blood doesn’t flow. Our skin is pale. Our hearts don’t beat. We don’t breathe. Our spiritual auras look different (there aren’t many mortals who can tell, but there are a few, mostly kids). Now you can fix that. Spend a little Vitae and you can get the old body working again for a little while. But that won’t protect you from the second question: How can WE tell other vampires? That one’s easy. Our Beast knows. Whenever you look at a vampire, your Beast and his Beast start psychically howling at each other. It feels like the hairs on the back of your neck are standing up, and suddenly you get real edgy. You’ll learn to recognize the feeling quick. The first time you meet another vampire things can get ugly, and some vamps have spontaneously gone into frenzy and tried to kill each other. The trick is, before you walk into a place where you know there’s going to be new vampires, like Elysium, take a deep breath and calm yourself down. Of course, that doesn’t help if you just meet a vamp on the street.
  11. What about garlic, mirrors, crosses, etc.? For the most part, all lies. Oh, I’ve heard tell of some people whose faith was strong enough to burn a Kindred, but I’ve never met anyone like that. They might just be myths. I know vampires who are in church every Sunday night. Garlic doesn’t do anything on its own, but you should remember that your stomach doesn’t work anymore, so if you eat anything you’ll be upchucking it soon thereafter. Running water’s not a problem, nor is entering a building uninvited. We do have fangs, but they only come out when we’re about to feed, and we can lick feeding wounds to seal them shut so there’s no evidence. Mirrors are a special case. I’ll talk about them later.
  12. Avoid stakes. If you get skewered by wood through your heart, you’re in trouble. It does not kill you, but it will immobilize you completely. It puts you into Torpor until the stake is removed. But keep in mind, that’s harder than it sounds. The heart isn’t very big, and it has to pierce your heart directly.
  13. Our blood is addictive. You heard me. It’s insanely addictive. And we’re not just talking like drugs are addictive, I mean magically addictive. If you drink blood from the same Vampire three separate times, you form what is called the Vinculum. The blood-bond. At that point, you’re their slave, and I mean in a magical sense. Don’t even bother trying to resist their commands, much less try to hurt them. Even two drinks from the same Vampire, or even one, starts those little tingles of love. It’s a hollow love, though, a magically enforced love. Don’t trust it. On the other hand, our capacity for real human love died with us, so some vampires see the Vinculum as the next best thing. You don’t have to be a Vampire either, mortals and anything else who drink from Vampires form the Vinculum. It’s useful to have a few addicted mortals running around, since we sleep during the day and they don’t. Or better yet…
  14. You can make Ghouls. It’s easy. Have a mortal drink from you, and put a little willpower behind it. Will your Vitae to not only addict them, but transform them. You have a Ghoul. They’re still alive and look mortal, so they can walk out during the sun, but they live forever as long as you feed them, and if you’re extra nice and train them they can even learn some of our powers. Of course they can’t feed like us and need our blood to keep in their Ghouled state, so be aware that making a Ghoul carries a cost – your Vitae and your will, which must be paid to keep the Ghoul functioning. A bit of Vitae a month is all that is necessary, but giving your Ghoul more means they have more Vitae to fuel their supernatural powers. The key thing to keep in mind is that if a Ghoul or blood-bound mortal does something in your name, the Prince and the court will hold you responsible for it.
  15. Your blood is magic. Vitae has magical power. You can use Vitae to heal wounds nearly instantly (though not if they come from fire or sunlight. Our blood takes time to heal those scars.) You can use it to pump up your strength, your dexterity, or your stamina to supernatural levels. You use it to wake up at night, and you can use it to temporarily assume what we call the ‘blush of life’ – breathing and otherwise operating like a living mortal. But your blood also has other powers, which we call Disciplines. These powers vary. Just being part of a Clan grants you a natural affinity for three disciplines. You still have to study these three, but that can be done just by meditating on the power of your blood for a while each month. To learn the other disciplines, however, you need to find a teacher, and it can take some time. It’s worth it, though. Disciplines allow you to mesmerize others, shapeshift, and of course take and deal a ton of punishment.
  16. You can join a Bloodline. There are only five Clans that we know about. But each Clan have a number of sub-clans which we call bloodlines. These aren’t full clans, they’re just variations on the concept. Most of us are fine just being from our Clan, but bloodlines do offer some additional powers, though they also offer additional weaknesses. If your sire was part of a bloodline you can join that bloodline rather easily once your blood becomes potent enough. If your sire was not part of a bloodline, or if you want to join a different bloodline, you need to find a mentor, called an Avus. The Avus can usher you into their bloodline if your blood is potent enough. There are rumors of Kindred starting their own bloodlines (and hey, they had to come from somewhere, right?) but every story I’ve heard of that kind of thing involved extremely potent blood and a whole lot of time and effort.

Your Requiem

We call it a Requiem. Another fancy phrase. Sometimes we can be pretentious, but lets face it, we’re dead and immortal. If anyone deserves to be pretentious, it’s us. Your Requiem is your unlife. From the moment you were embraced until the day you meet final death, or judgment day if you’re lucky, is your Requiem. Unlive it well. Now we’re all individuals. We are all special little snowflakes, or we like to pretend we are. But Requiems do tend to follow a pattern. So lets talk about that pattern.

  1. Your Sire. Your Sire is probably the first Kindred you’ll ever know. Oh, there are a few scumbags who go around making childer and then abandoning them, leaving them to learn for themselves or (most likely) get dusted, but that’s few and far between. Princes and elders tend to frown on sires who abandon their childer without teaching them the basics, and their frowns tend to involve people getting staked out for the sun. So most likely, you started out your Requiem with your sire teaching you how to hunt, how to control your Beast, and how to survive. Some of you might be lucky enough to have your sire still around. If you’re really lucky, he’s nice enough to use a little of his influence to make your Requiem easier.
  2. Your Clan. Your clan is your family. You don’t get any say in this. Whatever clan your sire was, that’s the clan you are. You can’t change it. Because of that, it acts just like a real family – often dysfunctional and full of squabbling. Your five clans are the Daeva, who are all artsy and normally rather pretty, the Gangrel, who tend to be near-feral loners, the Mekhet, who tend to be creepy and know everything, the Nosferatu, who are all butt-ugly but really good at intimidating and pounding things, and the Ventrue, who as far as I can tell live to make money and accumulate power.
  3. Your Covenant. If Clans are your family, then Covenants are your church. Or maybe your political party. A little of both, really. You get to choose which of these you join, though your sire probably has fairly strong ideas on the subject. There’s the Invictus, who are a weird cross between aristocracy and a board of directors. They mostly deal with power and structure. They’ve got a huge advantage, because the Invictus created and mastered the society that we vamps use. The Invictus might not be in charge in Knoxville, but they’re close to it. The Lancea Sanctum are, as I mentioned before, Vampire Church. Oh sure, you might scoff at that now, but even if you don’t join them you’ll probably attend services. Let’s face it, we’re magic and damned, so we could all use a little spiritual guidance. Plus, the Prince is Lancea Sanctum. He may not have outlawed other religions, but if you want him to like you then you had best show up to meeting on Sunday. The Carthians are the Invictus’s polar opposite. The Invictus like structure, the Carthians loathe it. They think we should all be Republicans, or Democrats, or Socialists, or Anarchists, or something like that. If they had their way we’d do away with the elders and do everything by committee. The Ordo Dracul Is something of an alternative to the Lancea Sanctum… maybe. They’re pretty mysterious. Actually a lot of these guys are Christians, but the Lancea tells us that we’re damned by god. The Ordo follows the words of their founder, Dracula, who thought that vampires were some kind of transitional stage. They want to become something better. Then there’s the Circle of the Crone. There aren’t many of them in Knoxville, and they’re fairly unorganized. Let’s face it, they’re pagans, and the Lancea doesn’t like pagans. But hey, if you like a philosophy where you’re not a damned monster, but a precious childe of the Crone and part of the great pattern of creation, there you go. I’d laugh at them, but their blood magic can be pretty potent. They’ve clearly got something.
  4. Your Haven. Sunlight bad. Sunlight burn vampire. So to avoid the sun, you need a place to hide out during a day. Now it is the vampire dream for this to be a huge castle or mansion or something, but let’s face it, you’re new. An abandoned apartment to squat in, a disused cellar, or in a pinch even a hole in the ground or a sewer can make a fine haven. Once you get all that fortune and glory that comes with the glamorous undead life you can get the mansion with the ghoul bodyguards, but from night one you should at least have a bolthole to hide from the sun. Just make sure you check to see if there are any bigger, badder vampires who have claimed the territory, and if there are, get permission from them to squat on their land.
  5. Your Mentor. Sure, you can try to make it on your own. But you’ll probably die. Again. I cannot stress this enough, the night is dangerous, even for us. It’s a lot easier if you have a bigger, stronger vampire looking out for you. A Mentor. Your first mentor will probably be your sire, and if he’s powerful enough and interested enough he might be the one you stick with. But for most of us… you’ve got to trade up sometime. Just keep in mind, mentors don’t shepherd you out of the goodness of their unbeating hearts. Most of them are slavedrivers, to put it mildly. But better enslaved then dead. Enslaved you always have a chance of turning the tables.
  6. Your Coterie. Coterie is another one of our fancy words. It basically means “gang”. See, you’re a neonate. You’re weaker than the elders. I’m not just speaking metaphorically, we increase in power with age, you are literally weaker than the elders. One of the best ways to survive and even the odds is by getting together with others. Sometimes Coteries can form for specific goals, like defending a piece of turf or investigating a mystery. Sometimes they can just be groups of like-minded individuals, or even friends. Some Coteries even bunk up together, sharing a Haven. Forming a Coterie can be a formal process, with contracts and announcements at court and all that, or it can be as simple as a couple Kindred saying that they want to do things together for a while.

The Danse Macabre

Another fancy word. The Danse Macabre. Sounds like an artsy Daeva social gathering. But no, this is the term we use to describe the tendency we Kindred have to plot, scheme, and generally backstab each other. Statistically you’re unlikely to reach judgment day, and the method of your destruction will likely be another Kindred. But pay attention, and you just might improve those odds.

  1. Vampire Society. We have a society. Oh yes we do. And it is a feudal society. For those of you who never studied your medieval history, that means we are ruled by a Prince, who in turn rules over the Primogen Council, who in turn rule over the Elders, who in turn rule over all the Ancillae and Neonates (Ancillae are what most Kindred are. You get the right to call yourself one of these once you’ve proven yourself useful to society for a dozen years or so). Let me make this very clear. This is not a democracy. If the Prince or one of the Elders says something, you obey or the Sheriff will punish you. That’s how it works.
  2. Titles. The big title is “Prince.” Prince Jeremiah Coalridge rules Knoxville. Just below him are the Primogen Council: James Rutherford Hearse, Gwen “Sunshine” Mason, and Richard Io. Sunshine also serves as the Prisci, or Clan Leader, of the Mekhet, and the leader of the Carthians, while Richard Io serves as the Prisci of the Ventrue and the leader of the Invictus. Technically the Prince runs the Lancea Sanctum, but in practice he’s too busy running the city so James Hearse runs it for him. Below the Primogen are the elders, the oldest vampires in the city. this include the three Prisci of the Daeva, the Gangrel, and the Nosferatu, as well as others with respect. Of special note are the Sheriff, the Master of Elysium, and the two Harpies. the Sheriff upholds the law – which makes him more or less the muscle behind the edicts of the Prince and the elders. The Master of Elysium and the Harpies I will talk about later.
  3. Masquerade. There are three great traditions that bind all of Kindred society. The traditions are handed down by the church through the Testament of Longinus, but they are not simply church edicts. They are practical rules, and they also have a good deal of supernatural power behind them. The first tradition is the Masquerade, yet another fancy word. In this case, it means the fact that ordinary mortals don’t know about us. They have legends about us, but most mortals would scoff at our existence. And we like it that way. We learned during the Inquisition that if mortals find out about us, they tend to be very effective at killing us. Even today there are packs of hunters. Luckily most of them are ignorant paranoids, bandying about with crosses and garlic, but enough of them know what they are doing to be a threat. Of particular note is the CDC. There are people working for the Centers for Disease Control who know all about us. Be careful when feeding, because if you pick up a blood-borne disease and start spreading it around to everyone you feed from the CDC will order a full investigation of our city. And before that happens, the Prince will likely have you killed for the safety of everyone else. We have a little help in the Masquerade: We do not show up clearly in mirrors, video, or any other attempt to record our image. Something shows up, but the features are blurred and unrecognizable. This is great for getting out of a police lineup, but you need to be careful because it’s easy for a hunter who knows what he’s doing to play ‘spot the Vampire’ by looking for the one with the blurry reflection. It is possible to make our image show up clearly through an act of will.
  4. Progeny. There are limited mortals, and already too many Kindred in Knoxville. Because of this, the second tradition is in effect. Basically, do not create childer without the permission of the Prince. If you really want a childe, try and cozy up to someone with a bit of political power who can convince the Prince to give you what you want. If you do create an unauthorized childe, you better be ready to explain yourself and call in favors or you could be banished, or worse. Church leaders say the supreme act of will necessary to create another Kindred is God’s way of reminding us not to create too many of them. Maybe they’re right. If you do create a childe, you are responsible for it until the day they are presented at Elysium.
  5. Diablerie. This is a nasty subject. Vampire blood sustains us just as much as mortal blood does. We can become addicted to it, just like mortals. And if we drain another Kindred dry, we can keep drinking… and that is Diablerie. It is horrible. I’ve certainly never done it, and I don’t know anyone who has. To drink the dregs of a Vampire’s essence, the last remains of their soul, is an evil process. It empowers the Beast, and strips humanity. It taints your aura, so that for months or even years afterward your crime can be seen by the psychically gifted, as long as they’re looking for it. It is utterly forbidden, and the Prince and the elders will call a blood hunt and kill anyone caught practicing it. So why do it? Well… Diablerie gives you power. Drink the heart’s blood of a more powerful Vampire, and you become more powerful yourself. I only mention it because if I don’t tell you about it, someone else will. Someone who won’t warn you off of it like I will. The third tradition states that no one shall commit Diablerie. Obey that tradition as if your Requiem depended on it, because it does.
  6. Elysium. So we’re predators. We generally don’t get along. But we also have a society. That means we need a way to get together. That is Elysium. Neutral ground. Elysium always exists. It is a part of the city set aside, where any kind of violence between Kindred is illegal, as is hunting in the immediate vicinity. Elysium used to be in the Bowery, but recent events and a rather large explosion have made that place unviable. The Prince has thus declared that Hott Rods’ bar off Alcoa Highway shall be Elysium in Knoxville. Elysium is neutral ground all the time, but sometimes, normally once a month, the Prince holds court there. I recommend you attend if you want to make it anywhere in Vampire society. Just behave yourself. No weapons are allowed in Elysium. No use of Disciplines is allowed in Elysium. And no violence of any kind is allowed in Elysium. The Master of Elysium is in charge of maintaining Elysium and dealing with violations. If you violate these rules, the Master of Elysium will strip some of your status. And that’s bad.
  7. Status. At heart, all Kindred are arrogant. Myself included. So we rank ourselves with status. One Kindred might be merely “Acknowledged” in the city, while another might be “Respected.” Being Acknowledged is easy. Just get the Prince to recognize that you exist. You should do this the first time he holds court after your arrival. If you’re not Acknowledged, then any Kindred in the city can hunt you down, and you have no protection from the laws. In fact every so often the Prince will get the Sheriff to round up the unacknowledged and kick them out of the city. If you don’t have any ambition, you can get along fine just being Acknowledged. But most of us have a lot of ambition. So that means making nice with the Prince and the Harpies. The Harpies are an odd pair. They’re basically official court gossips. They keep track of who has disgraced themselves, and who has not. If they think you’ve done good things for the city, and for them personally, they’ll talk you up at court, and boom. Your status is on the rise. But if you annoy them, or do something stupid, they’ll strip that status back down again. Politics is a cutthroat game. So how much does status matter? It doesn’t matter at all. And it’s the most important thing to possess. It’s politics, baby. The clans and covenants have their own status, but it’s more… global. You don’t just have to impress the Knoxvillians, you have to impress everybody. Rumor has it that Richard Io has contacts in the Invictus from here to Europe.
  8. Boons. If status can be thought of as social health, boons are social currency. Boons are easy. You do a favor for someone today, and in the future you get to call on them for a favor. The Harpies keep track of it all, and woe to you if you forget your obligations. Seriously, if someone calls in a boon, do what they say. You don’t want the headache of resisting them. Boons come in four sizes: Trivial, Minor, Major, and Life. Those are pretty self-explanatory. Normally you should be trading in Trivial boons. Minor boons for really good stuff. Major boons should only come into play if they’re really saving your bacon, and Life boons… well, don’t give out a Life boon unless you really and truly owe your unlife.
  9. The World of Darkness. That’s what we call it. A World of Darkness. We Kindred aren’t the only things out there. Oh no. They say there’s a ghost that haunts the Bijou theatre, and a bunch more elsewhere around the city. There’s something in Oakridge that kills any of us that go there. And there’s werewolves in the Smokeys. Yeah, you heard me. Werewolves. I don’t know much about them, except they’re bigger and stronger than us and tend to shred us first and ask questions later. There’s also mages. Stay away from them. Any mortal that can create a mini-sun in a room should not mix with us. I hear about stranger stuff – Prometheans, who are manufactured creatures like Frankenstein’s monster, some kind of Fairy Changling things, Geists, who apparently are super-powerful ghosts or some such nonsense. Spirits, and boogeymen, and aliens, and witches, and just about anything you can imagine. The point is, there are big bad things out there, so don’t ever go thinking you’re the big kid on the block. And I know some of you are all eager to go investigate these things. Just keep in mind that tends to shorten your Requiem remarkably.

Rules to unlive by

All right, so I’ve told you everything you need to know. But if I had to boil down my top rules for neonates, these would be them.

  1. Make allies. If you’re alone, you’re dead. Join a coterie, join a covenant, find a mentor. Make mortal allies and contacts as well. A well-placed friend at the police department or in city hall can work wonders.
  2. Get involved. There comes a time when every elder needs an expendable young neonate to send on a suicide mission. And if you have not made yourself vital to the city, or at least interesting to keep around, you will be that poor sucker. Don’t just sit around. Do things. Ask Kindred what they’re doing, and join them in it. Or come up with your own ideas and ask Kindred to join you. There’s a whole city out there, and Elysium is only a part of it.
  3. Earn boons. The more Kindred that owe you boons, the more powerful you are. Find out what Kindred want, and offer it to them… for a price. Help Kindred… for a price. Better yet, manipulate the situation using your boons to make sure Kindred need your help… thus earning you even more boons.
  4. Have a plan. You’re either a puppetmaster, or you’re a chump. You are an immortal bloodsucker. Think about what you want from your unlife. Fame? Wealth? Power? Revenge? True Love? Whatever it is, have a goal. Then start working toward that goal.
  5. If all else fails, suck up. There are some really powerful vampires out there, and they need stooges. If things don’t seem to be going your way, suck up to Prince Coalridge, or Richard Io, or somebody old and powerful. Make yourself useful to them, and they will protect you. Just never forget – they’re not your friends. They are using you.

Other Lessons

What, you want more? All right. Here’s some other lessons a neonate should know.

Hope that helps. In about a year I’ll be able to tell who read this. Because those are the neonates who will still exist.

The Neonate's Guide to Knoxville

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